This Summer

I would apologize to those of you who are not Christians, but my Christianity is part of me and has a large influence in my life. This post delves into my career but also has some religious aspects to it. Read on if you are willing.

This summer I have interviewed for three different jobs. One was where I already work as a teacher. They are hiring a classroom teacher of the deaf, so I applied for that position. Haven't heard anything about it yet.

Secondly I applied for a job as an Instructional Technology Facilitator at the Pennsylvania School for the Deaf. I felt like the interview went well, but when we discussed money it would mean a $10,000 pay cut from what I am making now.

IF I had listened when God was using my conscience to tell me to stop charging things I could possibly afford to do that, although I would max out at a much lower pay rate (an issue because there is a history of dementia/Alzheimer's in my family) so there would be less for retirement. So at the conclusion of the interview I told them I was sorry I could not afford the pay cut.

Today, I interviewed at the Clerc Center where I did my internship. It would either be Rosemary's job in the elementary school or Julie's job in the high school. Depending on who they hire they will decide which position. I feel like it went ok and it is my dream job. Of course I have lots of doubts about it and about picking up roots and moving to another state.

In many ways I feel like I'm applying for a top level job without having the experience for it. I can do the technology but if you have been reading my blog from the internship you know how I can doubt myself sometimes.

There would be issues with my son. He has Angelman Syndrome and is out of school and attends a sheltered workshop. Any time you change states you have to start from scratch to get services. I would need childcare while I was working.

Next would be issues with my mother. She has dementia and we live together. She seems to be going downhill rapidly. (Maybe it just seems that way because I am home all day and seeing her more.) I would like to put her in assisted living but it is so expensive and her long term care policy is only for about 3 years. So she needs adult daycare at least.

Then of course there would be the whole issue of selling the house, packing up and moving to who knows where. Finishing up my current job and quitting it. (I hope no one from work is reading this)

When I look at all that would have to happen I get so stressed. Is this what God wants me to do? I don't know. It is so difficult to understand what He wants. One minute I am ready to go and the next I say no way can I do that.

One thing that has hit me several times and again just a little bit ago are the words to Mark Harris' song "Wings"

I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage
To dare to do great things
I'm here for you whatever this life brings
So let my love give you roots
And help you find your wings

and then:
It's not living if you don't reach for the sky
I'll have tears as you take off
But I'll cheer as you fly

I can't help but wonder if God is using this song to talk to me-and then I wonder if I am reading things into something that are not there. Yes I have dreams-this last job truly falls into that category. And looking at the rest of the words it makes me think I am supposed to fly. Whatever happens if I figure out what God has for me He will be there for me and it will work. Just wish he would send me an email letting me know exactly what He wants me to do.

Well, from the sound of things it could be a couple weeks before I find out if they are going to offer me this job, so I just have to hang in there and continue going through things in the house trying to see what I want to get rid of (I was doing that anyway before all of this happened.)

If anyone has read this that would be directly impacted by it please feel free to contact me rather than worrying about things or letting it impact any decisions you make.