Thursday, July 31, 2008

This Summer

I would apologize to those of you who are not Christians, but my Christianity is part of me and has a large influence in my life. This post delves into my career but also has some religious aspects to it. Read on if you are willing.

This summer I have interviewed for three different jobs. One was where I already work as a teacher. They are hiring a classroom teacher of the deaf, so I applied for that position. Haven't heard anything about it yet.

Secondly I applied for a job as an Instructional Technology Facilitator at the Pennsylvania School for the Deaf. I felt like the interview went well, but when we discussed money it would mean a $10,000 pay cut from what I am making now.

IF I had listened when God was using my conscience to tell me to stop charging things I could possibly afford to do that, although I would max out at a much lower pay rate (an issue because there is a history of dementia/Alzheimer's in my family) so there would be less for retirement. So at the conclusion of the interview I told them I was sorry I could not afford the pay cut.

Today, I interviewed at the Clerc Center where I did my internship. It would either be Rosemary's job in the elementary school or Julie's job in the high school. Depending on who they hire they will decide which position. I feel like it went ok and it is my dream job. Of course I have lots of doubts about it and about picking up roots and moving to another state.

In many ways I feel like I'm applying for a top level job without having the experience for it. I can do the technology but if you have been reading my blog from the internship you know how I can doubt myself sometimes.

There would be issues with my son. He has Angelman Syndrome and is out of school and attends a sheltered workshop. Any time you change states you have to start from scratch to get services. I would need childcare while I was working.

Next would be issues with my mother. She has dementia and we live together. She seems to be going downhill rapidly. (Maybe it just seems that way because I am home all day and seeing her more.) I would like to put her in assisted living but it is so expensive and her long term care policy is only for about 3 years. So she needs adult daycare at least.

Then of course there would be the whole issue of selling the house, packing up and moving to who knows where. Finishing up my current job and quitting it. (I hope no one from work is reading this)

When I look at all that would have to happen I get so stressed. Is this what God wants me to do? I don't know. It is so difficult to understand what He wants. One minute I am ready to go and the next I say no way can I do that.

One thing that has hit me several times and again just a little bit ago are the words to Mark Harris' song "Wings"

I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage
To dare to do great things
I'm here for you whatever this life brings
So let my love give you roots
And help you find your wings

and then:
It's not living if you don't reach for the sky
I'll have tears as you take off
But I'll cheer as you fly

I can't help but wonder if God is using this song to talk to me-and then I wonder if I am reading things into something that are not there. Yes I have dreams-this last job truly falls into that category. And looking at the rest of the words it makes me think I am supposed to fly. Whatever happens if I figure out what God has for me He will be there for me and it will work. Just wish he would send me an email letting me know exactly what He wants me to do.

Well, from the sound of things it could be a couple weeks before I find out if they are going to offer me this job, so I just have to hang in there and continue going through things in the house trying to see what I want to get rid of (I was doing that anyway before all of this happened.)

If anyone has read this that would be directly impacted by it please feel free to contact me rather than worrying about things or letting it impact any decisions you make.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Now What?

Well, I have pretty well accepted that I will never be able to do the job I really want to do-instructional technology in a deaf school. But there is a part of me that still hopes I think. When I got my weekly information list that includes job postings from I found myself looking for a technology job. Found a cool one in software development with Vcom but it is only temporary and in Florida. No good but it would have been fun.

Then just for the heck of it I looked at Gallaudet's website for an Ed Tech job there. Lo and behold, they finally posted one. (Two really-one full time and one temporary) Now I don't know what to do. Should I apply? or not? There are many drawbacks-my son would need to find services ASAP (and probably not very likely to happen,) I would have to find something to do with my mother, and I would have to sell my house. All before school starts. Not likely!

Also, I would feel a lot of pressure to live up to my predecessor and my internship supervisor who is at the elementary school. I have this terrible fear that if I did have the job that I would not be able to do it-that I would be lousy at it. I also have a fear of leaving my comfort zone and going someplace new. What if I didn't like it? My bridges would be burned behind me and I would be stuck there.

I started filling out an application-my friends are encouraging me. I don't think they will be able to pay enough-it is very expensive to live there too. But I'm sending it in anyway and asking for at least as much as I made last year. Sure to prevent them from hiring me. If this is meant to be God will have to really work things out.

Interview for a Classroom Position

I interviewed at my current place of employment for a classroom teacher position. I think it went well except.......
My supervisor was really happy with the way things went this past year and that will actually work against me. He's not sure he wants to change the status quo.

Monday, July 14, 2008

I survived the interview

I survived the interview today. It was conducted in American sign language because the two teachers that were also there were deaf. There were only a few places where I was not quite sure what was being asked.

The bad news is that if I were offered it, it would be almost a $10,000 pay cut. I don't see how I could manage that despite the fact that I would really like the job.

I would not have to pay for health insurance, they pay full tuition for 4 grad classes a year that are related to the job, there is no set number of sick days as long as you don't abuse that all will be fine. They will also attempt to pay all expenses if you are presenting at a conference/workshop.

On the negative side the admin is very protective of their servers and do not like a lot of uploading and downloading to occur and storage space on the server is at a premium too. They are actually running 10 servers but I don't know how much disk space they actually have.

Thursday I have an interview with my current supervisor. We have a classroom teacher position opening which I have applied for.